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Phrase(s): learn (something) the hard way [and] find (something) out the hard way
to learn something by experience, especially by an unpleasant experience. (As opposed to learning in school, from reading, etc.) • She learned how to make investments the hard way. • I wish I didn’t have to learn things the hard way. • I found out the hard way that it’s difficult to work and go to school at the same time.
McGrawhill's American Idioms And Phrasal Verbs